Male announcer: And now, nickelodeon and dreamworks'
Monsters vs. Aliens.
- ¶ mva ¶
¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ it's us vs. Them
¶ foe vs. Friend
¶ brain vs. B.O.B.
- ¶ it's a super-freaky job
- Oh, yeah, it's freaky.
- ¶ mva ¶
- ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
- [cackles] - ¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ monsters vs. Aliens ¶
¶ mva ¶
[all yelling]
- And that is why new regulation 437c
States that "all experiments must be conducted
In laboratories, not lavatories."
- You say potato, I say pomato.
- You say "pomato?" - yeah.
- I have never heard you say "pomato."
- I say it all the time.
Like, just this morning, I said, "hello, susan.
Have a pomato day!"
- That's true. He did.
- General, about this hasty lavatory restriction--
- It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, boys,
And I'm the alpha dog.
Now, unless anyone's got anything else to say,
Meeting is adjourned.
- Sir, permission to share some of my earth studies findings.
- Ugh, this isn't going to be another lecture on ground slugs,
Is it?
- I gotta be honest, after four hours,
You started to lose me.
- Your lack of attention does not invalidate the science.
However, today I'd like to talk about puppies.
- Puppies! - I like puppies.
- Owning a pet is a crucial part of the earth experience.
Therefore, I would like to requisition one adorable puppy.
- No.
- But, general, it's for my research.
- No. Meeting adjourned.
- Boo-hoo for you, sqweep.
Guess now your earth studies can include a lesson
In disappointment.
- Dude, that's harsh.
- Most unfortunate.
- What are we gonna name the puppy?
- Oh, sqweep, are you all right?
- Yes. It's to be expected.
According to my research,
The traditional first response to a request for a pet is "no."
- Commencing phase two.
- "persistent pestering."
Please, may I have a puppy?
- No.
- Please, may I have a puppy?
Please? A puppy.
Let me have a puppy, please?
- No!
- Please let me have a puppy.
I want a puppy.
Give me a puppy. Give me a puppy.
Puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy.
- Ahh.
- Please, may I have a puppy?
- I respect your stick-to-itiveness, sqweep,
But I've been through the pet thing
With my nieces and nephews, who I may or may not have.
They always promise to take care of it,
But who ends up on doody duty?
Me!
The answer remains no.
- [sobbing]
- Give me a break.
I've interrogated enough crybabies
To know the real thing from a faker.
- Isn't crying the next step in the pet-obtaining ritual?
- Normally, yes,
But this decision isn't even up to me.
Regulation 242d says, "no pets on base!"
- Don't you write the regulations?
- Geh-uh-ooh.
- [sighs]
- Whatcha doin'?
- To get the full experience for my earth studies, I am moping.
[sighs]
- So still a no-go on the puppy front, huh?
Maybe I can help.
What do you like about puppies?
- Well, puppies are playful.
- I'm playful.
- Puppies are also cuddly.
- I'm cuddly.
- Puppies are the juvenile stage
Of the canis lupus familiaris life cycle.
- I'm cuddly.
Wait a minute.
I could be your pet!
- Hmm, sufficiently plausible.
- Heh-heh.
[panting]
- B.O.B., you may have found a solution
To my puppy project problem.
- [groans]
You are housebroken, right?
- General, we're looking for authenticity here.
- Please?
- [sighs]
There is no possible way I will not regret this, is there?
- [slobbering]
Nope.
- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
- Let us begin by exploring the normal owner-pet dynamic.
- What is it about being dog-shaped
That makes me wan to bite my own butt?
- Please focus.
Ready?
Speak, boy. Speak.
- Ahem
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary
For one people to dissolve the political bands
Which have lingered with us for--
No, b.O.B., like a dog.
You know, barking and such.
- Oh, right.
Bark, bark.
Or in german: Arf, arf.
- Let's try fetch.
You are supposed to retrieve the ball.
- Oh.
Here ya go.
I mean, bark, bark.
- A real dog uses its mouth.
- Really? Okay.
Gulp!
- B.O.B., after careful consideration,
I determined that you are... A terrible dog.
- Is that because of the accident in the hallway?
- B.O.B.!
- That was the only thing you did
That actually was like a dog.
- Right, 'cause...I wouldn't have done that otherwise.
- I don't think this study can continue successfully
On its current course.
- Well, maybe I'd have better luck as a cat.
Moo.
- I have one last thing to try: Blasting you with a ray
That will give you canine brainwaves.
- But I don't have a...
Brain.
- Hmm, an obvious oversight.
I hope there were no unintended consequences.
[both barking]
- [howling]
- Perhaps this is just an isolated incident.
[all barking]
- Well, everything looks normal.
[all panting and barking]
- [barking]
[both growling]
- [growling]
- Okay, I'm beginning to think something is wrong.
Susan would never chew on a shoe before lunch.
- I think it's time we inform the...
- [barking]
- General?
- [panting]
- He got hit too, right?
- Correct.
- 'cause with him, it's hard to tell.
- [barking]
[both scream]
- This chamber will reverse the effects of the dog brain blast.
- Sweet.
But how do we get all the dog brains in there?
- This is the challenge.
We will need to lure them in.
- We could use this.
- That should work very well.
Just one question: Why do you have a pork chop?
- What?
You don't always carry meat with you?
- [sniffing]
[both growling]
- Lookie at what I got.
[all panting]
Oh, good dogs.
Come on.
Ooh.
[all barking and panting]
- I believe that just leaves...
- [growling and barking]
- He is a very angry dog.
- Don't worry.
I got this.
Open it.
- [growling]
- On second thought, maybe I don't.
Oop!
No, boy! That's not the ball.
This is the ball.
- We have to catch him.
- I can see where he's going.
He's running down a pink tunnel.
It's got, like, a dangle-y thing,
Like at the back of a throat.
- B.O.B., you must be looking down his esophagus.
Turn around.
- Oh, right.
Okay, he just ran into a room.
I see weapons, lots and lots of weapons.
- Oh, no. He must be in the...Armory.
- Hey, he dropped my eye.
Oh, now he's after something else.
- [barking]
- Looks like... A grenade.
- [gasps] if that grenade goes off,
It'll start a chain reaction that could level the whole base.
- Aw, man, then general monger would be really steamed.
- Actually, general monger would be--
- Oh, right, still a dog.
B.O.B., try acting like a cat again.
- How's this?
Moo.
- Good, except I believe it's "meow."
- If you say so.
Meow.
Oh, I think it's working.
Meow, meow.
I'm a cat.
Ahh!
Meow.
Hiss. Meow.
Uh-oh, don't know the pass code.
Hey, hey, general.
It's just me, b.O.B.
I'm not really a cat.
Whoa! Ahh! Ahh!
- B.O.B., it is hopeless.
As general monger stated, he is clearly the alpha dog.
- Oh, yeah?
Well, I am the hot dog...
The chili cheese dog with lots of onions
And extra jalapenos.
That's right.
I am en fuego.
- [whimpers]
Gulp!
- You know, b.O.B.,
It really is a dog-eat-dog world.
- Sqweep...
- You will be happy to know, general monger,
That I have just completed my puppy project.
It turns out b.O.B. Was a good dog.
- [grunts]
- Blech.
- Uh... Was I sniffing your butt?
- Let us never speak of this again.
- We did turn everyone back to normal, right?
- [barking]
[slurping]
- It came from another world to eat our brains
And our bananas.
It's the...
- ¶ bah-bah-bah
Movie night.
- Popcorn's popped, boys.
- Dibs.
- Double dibs.
- I call center couch.
Geronimo.
Oh, no, no, no, alien. Ugh!
- Happy Friday, monsters.
- Sqweep? What are you doing here?
- The custom of movie night counts as extra-credit
In my earth studies class.
I'm here to observe.
- Susan, I must object.
The rating clearly signifies this movie
Is not intended for young children.
- I have snacks.
- [gasps]
- Have a seat. - Lotsa dibs.
- Hold it, guys.
Sqweep, I'm sorry kiddo,
But this movie is way too scary for you.
- Your concern offends logic.
I am too intelligent to be frightened
By fictional stories.
- That's just perfect.
Stand by the tombstone.
Ahh!
- Let the research begin.
- I feel so safe in your arms--
[both screaming]
- Oh, that is a big monkey.
- Braaaain.
[both screaming]
Ape want brain.
- They eat brains?
- I'm scared, steve, really scared.
- Don't worry, my love.
It's gone forev-- oh, no!
It's right behind me!
- Brains.
- Eep.
- And so it returned, just as it came,
Never to be seen again.
- Huh?
Oh.
[yawns]
- Well, that was boring.
- Totally.
Who's gonna be scared of a lame zipper costume?
- [moaning]
- H-h-hello?
- [moaning]
- Save my brain!
- [moaning]
[burps]
S'cuse moi.
[laughs]
Sorry.
- Hey, kid. You gonna move?
- What? You're not getting my brain.
- [all screaming]
- [burps]
Ahh!
- Little alien, why'd you just swiss cheese my mess hall?
- Apologies, general.
Without sufficient sleep,
My superior brain can be a bit, um...Loopy.
- Monsters, alien, get this kid some nap time
Before my whole base gets laser zapped.
- Surely I am not needed for this--
- That's an order.
- Do not worry, general.
I am already working on a plan to erase
The zombie moon ape from my memory.
- Moon ape?
Wait. You saw that movie?
- It was for extra credit.
- So that's what this is all about.
The poor kid's scared, that's all.
- Frightened, you say?
Well, link and I know just the remedy for that.
Hee-hee-hee, to the lab.
[cackling]
[thunder booming]
- Wow, that is...
A little super-terrifying in real life.
- It's basic face-your-fear strategy.
All we gotta do is dress up in the costume
And get sqweep to fight us.
- It's the same way we cured b.O.B.'s fear
Of giant mustaches.
- I have conquered thee, mustachio.
[yodeling battle cry]
- Eh, guess it couldn't hurt to try,
But, uh, who's gonna be the ape?
- [slurping]
Don't even think about--
[mumbling]
- After much tinkering,
I have built the galaxy's first memory extractor.
Once my memory of the zombie moon ape is removed,
I will sleep as sound as a baby snoolox.
[cackles]
I really need some sleep.
- [growling]
Brains.
- Success.
I have no memory of whatever it was I feared.
Yay, me.
[humming]
- [roaring]
- Come on, coverton.
Move it.
- How do you move this infernal thing?
Ow.
- This is why we read instructions.
Use the leg pedals, man.
- What?
Oh, you mean like thi-- waah!
Oh, splendid.
Someone put a giant mirror in the hallway.
Oh, idiotic.
Uh?
[groans]
- Let's get this over with.
- Come now, coverton.
We have no time for dilly-dally.
- Braaaaains.
Brains.
- Yes, yes, save it for sqweep.
- Growl.
I'm the zombie moon ape...
Your worst nightmare.
Growl.
Why are you not cowering, child?
I was told there would be trepidation.
- Apologies, mr. Ape.
But I do not recall you from my nightmares or otherwise.
- Ugh.
What is the point of me doing this if you're not even scared
That I'm going to eat your brain?
- You eat brains?
- Um...Yes.
I eat lots and lots of yummy brains.
[growls]
No, no, no.
Augh.
- No, no, you've got the walk all wrong.
Keep your arms up.
- Could his acting be any more cliched?
Make me a zombie moon ape believer.
- Braaaaaaaains. - Oh!
- Coverton, quit it.
- No, no, suze, don't you see?
He's finally getting into character.
- That's the spirit.
Pretend to eat dr. C.
Pretend to shred him into a billion tiny pieces.
- Costume off.
Costume off now.
Dumb ape arms.
[laser gun chirping]
[yelling]
- Please stay away.
I am very small and damageable.
- I'm trying my very best to...
Ahh!
- Come on, coverton.
Stop zombie moon monkeying around.
- Ahh!
Ugh.
Monkey want a banana?
- Whoa, coverton's inside the suit
And outside the suit.
Twist.
- But if that's coverton...
- [roars]
[all screaming]
- Boomnana?
- Attack of the zombie moon ap.
Perhaps this holds a solution.
[all screaming]
- Where did this thing come from?
- No doubt from the recesses of our most deep-seeded
And subconscious fears.
- [roaring]
- My blob.
- [roars]
- Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
[door beeping]
- Okay, quick, how'd they beat the zombie moon ape
At the end of the movie?
- Don't look at me. I was out like a light.
- Ditto.
- But I fell asleep too.
So none of us saw the end?
- I do believe we're about to live it.
- Not tonight.
- Link?
- I get it now.
Movie night was my idea, so I have to save us.
This is my moment.
I'm gonna save us--
- [roaring]
- It can't be stopped.
[both screaming]
- I am t-t-t-too intelligent to be frightened...
- Calm yourself, man.
There is one way to stop it.
- All right, guys.
It's time we show this noob how the professionals do it.
Monsters, attack.
- [laughs]
- Now, dr. C.
- Brace yourself, beast.
It's time for you to-- eep!
- Braaaaaaaaains.
- Ahh!
Scary part.
Someone pause the movie.
- [roars]
- Huh?
- You are not getting our brains.
- Greetings, monsters.
- Sqweep, you saved us.
- Launching the moon ape into deep space
Is precisely how it was defeated at the end of the movie.
Yay, me.
- Mad props, alien kid.
You just faced your fear.
- Yeah, you did.
- Up high for mustaches.
- Sqweep, from now on, you've got a lifetime membership
To movie night.
- Really? - Yup.
And next time, you can even pick the flick.
- Excellent.
Now that I am no longer afraid,
I am most eager to watch the film's many sequels:
The return of the zombie moon ape, movies 2 through 14.
- No dibs.
- And so it returned, just as it came,
Never to be seen again.
- [roaring]